Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i love accidental penises.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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