its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
