Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
