Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
