Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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