I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
