New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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