Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
