i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize