After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
