Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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