Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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