well most of my day revolves around power hour
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize