Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
