i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
