i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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