I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize