did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
