we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
