is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
