he looks like a really good dad on facebook
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
