Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize