so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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