She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We left the knife in your bed.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
