I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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