Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm gonna fight the coyote
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
