Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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