Pregnant stripper...not hot.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
