no, he came in my armpit
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
