Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
