the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
