when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
