Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
