dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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