she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
