I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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