On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
