she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
