The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
