went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
