you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
