Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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