I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
