its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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