Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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