The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
How does it feel to date your dad?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
