OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
