Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
