she woke up with a sticky ear
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You've changed since you got that strap on
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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