I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
