I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
