Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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