WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
