My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize