You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
