How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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