I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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