I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
