fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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