I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
soo... how was my night?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
