see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
