addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
