you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
