im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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