she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
