THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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