Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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