My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Randomize
