In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
