drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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