please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
