I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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