I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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