can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
