so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
