eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
