youre lurking in front of me
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
