Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
