she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize