i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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