I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
