Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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