It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm really busy with my period
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