please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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