Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
