Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
