I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
