I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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