Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
