In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
