Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
