i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
