I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
