you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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