Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
