She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize