so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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