He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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