Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
