woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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