getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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