I wanna passion pit in your ass
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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