If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Buhtt sex?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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