trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize