Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
